Monday, October 12, 2015

Spouses, partners, parents of loved ones with eating disorders--I need you to keep reading. Really.

You may have no idea how they're suffering. Your wife, or mother, or partner or son. It's about shame. And fear. That's why they can't tell you. That's why it's so hard for her to ask for help. I'm not placing blame, but I'm asking you to start to listen like you never have before. Because it's hard for those living with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder to say what needs to be said.

Don't be fooled by his size or his weight. People with eating disorders come in all sizes. And don't be fooled by how well she had been doing. Slips happen. That's normal. But recovery requires acknowledgement that things are amiss, and that support is available. Right there. In person. Not just virtually through this blog, or a virtual support group or a friend across the world.

Yes, they need to know that you are there for them, unconditionally. Even if you really don't understand. Even though you wish they'd just 'get over it'. Struggling with an eating disorder is something they simply did not choose.

She may not discuss it with you, seeming as if all is well. And he may deny that he's restricting or over exercising. Besides. It's so much easier to see what we'd like to see.

So if you suspect that there's something not quite right, please start a discussion. And use open ended questions, ones that can't be dead-ended with a simple yes or no response.

You just might have your blinders on to
what's really going on--right before your eyes.

Do you know how trapped she's feeling?
Like there's no way out of her misery?
Sometimes we're a bit too close to the situation to
see the whole picture.

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if you could do a post with some examples of what kinds of questions to ask?