The Quick Fix For Your Struggle With Eating? Patience.

20 years to construct Chateau de Chambord,
Loire Valley, France

I know you’re impatient. Everyone’s impatient—you are not alone. We want change to have already happened. And we want to be done with the struggle of eating—eating enough, not eating too much, eating just right. We want to be free of the rules and the thoughts, but are reluctant to invest the effort and time to enable it to happen. We make change, but it never seems good enough, and when it seems to be going along just fine, we fear we’ll slip up—and maybe we do. Quick fixes allure us, offering such promise. But this is not about quick fixes.

I’d like to wave my magic wand and make it all better. I do have a magic wand, but I’m saving it for when all hope is lost. And really we haven’t reached that place.

I’ve never built a house, but this analogy has crossed my mind many times. And you know once something is in my thoughts it’s challenging for me not to share!

Railroad house, Swiss Alps

Consider building your house

It starts with the foundation, which needs to be rock solid, firmly planted. Poured concrete, perhaps, definitely strong—at least after it has had some time to cure, to dry and set. And you’ve got to wait for that.

You could slap together some shoddy construction and it could look just fine on the outside—at least for some time. It may appear attractive at first, but with the first storm the siding may fall off, and the paint may begin to chip. The damage begins.

Restorations may take even longer. There’s some necessary destruction of the existing structure, which precedes the new construction, the rebuilding. And you have to pick and choose what you want to keep and what you’d like to discard in this new dwelling.

Such is the case of building a healthy relationship with food.

It takes time. After all, it took a long time to get into the mess you’re in now. And it takes a solid conviction that change needs to happen—because you believe in the need for change, not just your doctor, or your husband or your mother.

Return to trusting your hunger and your body’s ability to self regulate, if that was a part of your history, if you had once had a normal relationship with food. Remember how charming the old wallpaper looked and how comfortable it felt being in that space? Wasn’t it nice to be able to eat a couple of cookies or a piece of cake, without the negative self talk?

Or, was there never a normal relationship with food?  Was it always a relationship of shoulds and rules? Did you never feel safe listening to your internal cues? No feng shui when looking at the wall colors of the past rooms? Sure, it’s more challenging restoring, having never followed your internal compass—getting rid of the old thoughts and habits, and redirecting toward healthier behaviors.

Discarding old beliefs and unhealthy views requires some trust that your house will still be able to stand, without the supports of unhealthy rituals and black and white thoughts. The new pieces of information get tried on, sampled, then permanently attached, as you see their value and beauty.

You need to be able to weather challenges. Stressors, like strong winds and snow, can knock you down. But the more solidly you have set your foundation, the less damage will occur. For instance, keep structure to your day’s eating versus skipping meals. You’ll feel less vulnerable and therefore better able to handle the stressors. And remain fixed in the belief that yes, you are worth it, you do deserve to feel well, to take care of yourself, to eat. These are your cement.

It may take some time for these foundational principles to set, but adding supports can help.

Actually, he's a Swiss Alps goat farmer, but whatever!

Who are your craftsmen? Those who you select to labor on this building with you, whom you rely on to direct your project and provide a vision?

Select a team of with experience—your MD, therapist, RD. And surround yourself with laborers that have the same vision and can support your project, not pro-Ana sites, or diet programs failing to address your behaviors and thoughts.  Contract with friends and bloggers who can assist you in getting the building done, and can support your repairs as soon as they need to happen.

Building this chateau (Chenonceau) over water 
must have required great vision.

Quick fixes, like sloppy construction are destructive. I’ll just restrict now (and deny my hunger), just for this week, she told me, or just until the holidays, he stated. It’s like leaving off the insulation and expecting you’ll still stay warm. Okay, perhaps not so bad at first. But then the pipes freeze, and then burst, and now you’re left with major water damage and repairs to be done. After restricting, you may eat more than you intended, and then purge, or continue to restrict. Now your signals get confused, and distinguishing hunger and fullness is a challenge. Trust is lost, and your ability to self regulate. Never mind the damage to your body, your emotional state, and your belief in yourself. The thermostat stops working.

But it can be repaired

This medieval castle in Carcassonne, France was partially
reconstructed. Turned out well, no?

Repairs? Yes! Because slips happen (a new bumper sticker, perhaps?) Over time, damage may occur—a tree may come crashing into your house, a window may need replacing. Slips are a normal part of maintenance. But wait too long to work on quality repairs and soon the wiring will also be affected, or the cost of getting the work done will be too great. I can’t miss work to do an eating disorder program, can I? Or I don’t have time to see my nutritionist and my therapist regularly!

Don't hike up Peyrepretuse, in France, unless
your house is solid.

Remember, it gets way more costly putting off construction and renovation of your house. Consider starting now, from the ground up. Gather your team, and start pouring your foundation. And take the first steps to drafting your blueprints for a better relationship with food.

This Time It’s Simply About The Calories

Piedmont: Great Wine, Great Challenges

I’m a snob. I admit it. When it comes to food, it’s got to taste good. Because I intend to really taste it. To enjoy it. To savor it. Every bite of it.

But Thursday, after many long, hot hours biking the grueling hills of the Piedmont region of Italy, we were hungry. Really hungry. The hills took us much longer than expected; we had no idea what it really means to be in shape for riding hills!  And the snacks we carried? We downed those within the first couple of hours.

So we rolled into a tiny town, known for its hazelnut production. Now give me a dessert with hazelnuts and chocolate and I would’ve been just fine. But that didn’t happen—no bakeries in sight. But it didn’t take us long to identify the only eating establishment around. Think retro, stale, cigarette-smoke-filled air luncheonette before it turned quaint and chic.

In our broken Italian we ordered the only Panini that sounded acceptable. Oh, and a salad.  What comes to your mind when you think salad? Fresh, crisp vegetables? A brilliant assortment of colors, flavors, and shapes? Think again. They offered what is known as Russian salad—a heaping mass of mayonnaise, containing diced potatoes, peas and a speck of carrot.  We had it along with the white bread sandwich packed generously with cheese. And I neglected to mention (how could I forget?)—that there were two rolled up sardines with olives. At least they added some color.

Well, I ate at least 90% of this lovely meal. And I hated every bite. (Although given my sweating from the unseasonable heat, the sodium rich sardines and olives were much appreciated.) This was so far from the fabulous cuisine I had heard so much about and had begun to enjoy my first day in the Piedmont (more posts about those meals to follow). The Piedmont, after all, is know for the Slow Food movement http://www.slowfood.com/international/6/faqs, amazing wines (Barolo, Barbaresco and Barbera) and white truffles (these are intense mushroom like fungus, not chocolates, my friends), with their distinctive flavor which embellishes foods with a mere drop of a truffle infused oil.

At this point, exhausted and overheated, depleted of energy, it was strictly about the calories, the fuel. I wasn’t going anywhere without eating this awful meal. I had no other options. I couldn’t find my voice in this language I barely spoke, and I suspect there were no other options, given the appearance of this place. Yes, mayonnaise-laden salad with a bland cheese sandwich was the only answer. Simply non-negotiable. There was nothing else to do but eat it.

Provence, not Piedmont!

What’s the meaning of this post? It’s not about my disappointment, of things not going as planned—that could be a whole other post. It’s not about adjusting expectations, because who could have expected this? Never mind that the biking was a total drag, nothing like our fantasy rides through Provence with climbs we could manage and stunning varied vistas to distract along the way.

No, the meaning is much more literal. Sometimes it comes down to Nike’s message—Just Do It.

For those of you who undereat—I know there are times when you are not hungry, and eating seems totally unnecessary. And when a fat-containing food may overwhelm. Or you question why you have to eat more than everyone else around you. Or the uncertainty of a meal’s content leads you to want to choose the safest route—food aversion. Or the allure of not eating, or restricting, promises a pleasant disconnect which might be so welcomed at this moment.

As for the overeaters and binge eaters (and anorexics, too)—skipping meals or snacks certainly sounds promising. Why take in those extra calories when a coffee will suffice? Because sometimes, you need to just do it. And when you’re feeling hungry even if no one else is, you need to just eat—because you need to begin to listen, to trust your body and its signals. Because you so deserve to be well nourished. Because your size has nothing to do with your need for nourishment in the moment. Yes, you too, need to trust it’s okay, it’s necessary to eat. And that you deserve to eat, regardless of what others’ glances may suggest, in spite of the messages from family members you hear or replay in your head, regarding your need to lose weight. Be in the moment, and trust that you should eat.

A cool drink after a long day of unmanageable hills and bad food!

I won’t be heading back for another Russian salad-filled lunch in the Piedmont. But I’m pleased I was able to fuel up for the challenging ride back. In the end, we enjoyed a lovely meal at dinner, and a refreshing drink just after unclipping from our pedals.

Who or What Decides How Much You Eat? Taking Back Control of Your Eating.

Last weekend I attended a diabetes conference in NYC (Yes, that explains the delayed post!). And although most of you don't have diabetes, there's so much valuable info to share with you.

First, I learned these experts know nothing about the feeding needs of the sedentary. Yes, sedentary program attendees, myself included, get hungry while simply sitting in a chair for a span of many hours. So with breakfast at 7:45, I was ravenous by the 10:15 coffee break. Now usually, when we say coffee break, we mean something more than simply a caffeinated beverage. Like, maybe we’d expect a mini pastry or muffin, or some fruit? Perhaps the Diabetes Association was using us like lab animals, exploring the impact of low blood sugar on us.

Yes, these are them! My sustenance 'til break time.

In any case, I was shocked, and unprepared, for the absence of adequate, calorie-containing snacks to accompany my coffee. And so I relied on the tiny hard candies to get me through until lunch. How ironic. My point? Just because someone else thinks it's okay to not stop and eat between meals, doesn't mean you have to go along with the plan!

Similarly, just because someone else tells you how much you should eat, doesn’t mean that’s right for you. What do I mean? Just because Quaker oats now says that the serving size is either ½ cup dry oats or ¾ cup for their “heart healthy portion” doesn’t mean that that is right for you. Several years ago, Quaker increased their portion from 1/3 cup dry oats, 2/3 cup cooked cereal. Maybe that amount worked just fine. Just because they’ve adjusted upwards doesn’t mean you have to!

Amazing sandwich from Eataly, NYC which I ate too
much of, having not had an adequate snack at break.

Have you ordered a sandwich out lately? Just half of many sandwiches (take Panera, for instance) more closely resemble a full sandwich most of us would prep at home. And eating only half of most burritos filled with rice and beans and guacamole would likely satisfy—except that once we’ve unwrapped it, we’re doomed to finish it.

And if your spouse or mother-in-law usually plates your food, take charge and plate your own food! Then you can’t blame anyone else for how much you’re eating.

Because we eat what’s put in front of us, without regard to how full we are in the moment, and without delaying to see if we really needed the full amount.

Brian Wansink, PhD, presented a fascinating session on his research findings at this conference (see www.MindlessEating.org for more info). This creative researcher developed a strategy to evaluate what factors regulate our food intake, telling us when we’ve had enough. He cleverly designed a feeding study where half the participants were served a bottomless bowl of soup. Yes, the soup was secretly pumped into their 22 oz. bowl, keeping it filled. And what did he find? That people just kept on eating! They ate 73% more soup than those with a finite portion. Yet they didn’t think they had eaten more.

He also interviewed Americans in Chicago, and Parisians, about when they know they’ve eaten enough. Parisians reportedly stopped when they felt full, and when their food no longer tasted good. The Chicagoans, however, made no reference to physical sensations, stating they stopped when their plate was empty, or when their TV show was over. Maybe that’s the answer to the French Paradox. They enjoy their food, including rich pastries and processed breads, but they stop when they’ve had enough.

It’s not that hunger sensations can’t work for us. It’s just that we don’t tend to give them a chance. Remember the titration example? (see  http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2010/08/size-matters-but-not-how-you-think.html ) We don’t allow our bodies enough time to take note and acknowledge fullness. Instead, we eat mindlessly, quickly, consuming more calories than we need before putting on the brakes. Then we blame it on the carbs, or the fats, setting rigid rules about what’s acceptable to eat.

The solution? Take charge of your environment, and of your body’s signals. Even if you need to gain weight, you’ll feel better if you are aware of what you eat. It’s not enough to gain weight, but to learn to regulate a healthy weight.

First, find your voice, and negotiate change, when necessary. If you’re out with others and feel hungry, eat a snack you’ve brought or stop for something. Yes, even if you’re the only one who needs to.

Plate your own food, and take responsibility for your own eating. If you're struggling with being overweight, start with a smaller portion than usual, giving yourself permission to have more after 45-60 minutes—if you’re hungry. If you are struggling to gain weight, consider having your grains on a separate plate, which some find less overwhelming.

Use a smaller plate. The size of bowls, glasses, plates, popcorn containers dictate how much we end up eating. Such a simple trick really works! And Wansink and others have the study results to prove it.

Eating out? Have them cut your sandwich or wrap in half, and package each half separately. If you need the second half later, it’s yours to eat then—if you need it! That’s where listening to your signals comes into play.

Limit eating to the kitchen or dining room. Then leave that room and use distraction to avoid the temptation to mindlessly eat.

Control your surroundings. Keep food off the kitchen counters. And keep fruits and vegetables in glass bowls in the fridge where you’ll see them and think to eat them.

And remember. Slips happen! This approach may be new to you, and other factors besides your awareness may impact your eating. Address your stressors and boredom, if they trigger you to overeat.

And set realistic goals. Work on one change at a time, before setting another goal.

As always, I look forward to hearing what you think!

Eating Out—More Lessons from France

Last Saturday at 11 PM, 2 ½ hours after entering the bistro, I comfortably strolled out following my 3 course meal, my final dinner out in France. And my top pants button was intact! Appetizer (they call that the entrée), plat (the main course), dessert and an overpriced café au lait included.


Anything strike you as odd here? Well, to start it strikes me as strange that eating a full multi-course meal including dessert (yes, I almost licked the plate clean) left me feeling physically comfortable. And just to give you some detail, that included a mille-feuille (think Napoleon—those multi layered pastries filled with rich cream filling) with a side of sorbet. So we’re not talking about Edy’s light or anything. In fact, there was nothing light about this meal, which included a delectable risotto, and pistou soup (think pesto, soup style) as well. Being who I am I couldn’t just leave it at that and not analyze my dining experience. So here’s what I’ve determined:

• Dining out in France is not like eating out in the States. It is an activity unto itself. It is leisurely, with a focus on the food, truly savored and enjoyed. The food is artfully prepared (for the price it ought to be) and people really linger over it. In some ways, it drives me crazy. I have to wait so long for everything, and no one apologizes for it either. That is the way it is. But what a lesson for us impatient foreigners! Slow down and taste the garlic, so to speak. And with a meal lasting more than 45 minutes or so you will actually have enough time to notice if you have had enough.
• Main dishes (pasta and risotto excluded) come without a starch. Imagine that! Unlike what we are used to here in the US—you know, the balanced plate—the “meat”, starch and vegetable, in France it appears they skip the starch. How can they get away with that, you’re wondering? Because they serve this amazing bread that they know you’ll be eating instead. In contrast, in the US we’re served the starch (potato, rice) and the bread and guess what? We eat them both. And if they threw a third starch in, we’d probably eat that too.
• Portions are smaller. But the benefit is that you get to enjoy many items without feeling ill from overeating. I wonder if there’s a French term for doggy bag? Quite unlikely.
• Desserts are no novelty. Spectacular, yes, but not a special occasion, “now or never” occurrence. The French are eating delectable baked goods on a regular basis. Four bakeries in that town of 5000, remember? Somebody’s buying and eating them! So when they eat out they don’t feel obligated to order dessert as if it’s their only chance. I suppose if they feel full, they bypass dessert until the morning, when they pick up a crusty pastry with their morning coffee and baguette.
• And did you notice the time our meal ended? Eleven PM! Yes, later meals are fashionable in France and no, they are not gaining weight as a result of eating after 8pm!

So once again, consider the French at your next restaurant outing. If you love the bread they serve, eat it! But maybe skip the potato, rice or pasta they serve you in addition. Slow the pace and linger over your meal. And if you’re full, give yourself permission to get dessert—tomorrow!

Greetings from France! There’s so much I’d like to share about food and eating here and what it means for those of you struggling to eat well and maintain some balance in your lives. At the moment, I am staying in a very small town in southern France, population approximately 5000 people. And guess how many bakeries? Four! Yes, four bakeries that serve the most spectacular pastries and freshly baked breads. And I might add that this is not a tourist town. 


So who is buying all these amazing baked goods (besides me)? The locals. For those of you who have not been to France, I’d like to also enlighten you about these baked goods. They are all white flour (although I did see one multi grain bread), and the pastries are to die for. Full cream and butter, nothing low fat about them. And the locals, you are wondering, what do they look like? Let’s just say that high BMIs just don’t seem to exist here. They appear normal weight and healthy as a whole. In my entire first week of traveling in France, I could say that there was only one overweight individual that I encountered—and he was a bus driver, for whatever that’s worth.


So why tell you all this? Because when I am talking with patients back home I constantly hear of phobias about carbs and and fats and the risk of eating these and gaining weight. It seems to me that in past years a fear of carbs has taken over. Perhaps this is a carry over of misinformation from diets such as the Atkins and Zone, but more about that later. The point is, people that live here eat plenty of carbs—refined, white flour, low fiber carbs, and enjoy every bite. And yet, they remain slim and fit. 


Hmmmm. So what to make of this paradox? Several things come to mind. First, the French really know how to eat mindfully and to eat foods they enjoy. Meals last forever (stores close for 2-4 hours, depending on location, for lunchtime). And how many of you take such time for lunch? And actually choose foods you enjoy? And take the time to taste them?


And then there’s the fat content. Just like the pastries, most foods here are not low fat. The French take pride in their cheeses (full fat and delectable) and their olive and walnut oils. But the French don’t appear to be closet eating their pastries or baguettes, those white flour breads. No, they are eating them, savoring them even, in full view. And truly enjoying them, it seems.


Now there is one detail I might add about the French way of eating—the portions. Everything tends to be smaller. I ordered a “grande” coffee this morning and I got about 4 ounces. Imagine that! Five of those would fit in a Starbucks vente. And similarly, they tend to be satisfied with small quantities of foods which taste great. Perhaps we could learn a few things from the French. I do promise to post a few photos of the pastries around France because it is truly other worldly! And I must admit, I’ve enjoyed every croissant, baguette, Napolean and macaron I’ve had (check out the La Duree website to see what I mean).


So this week, try to act French—choose some foods that you’d never consider eating, something truly delectable that meets no nutritional “need”. And savor it, truly taste it with all of your senses. And maybe you’ll find that it takes a lot less to satisfy then you ever imagined.