Spouses, partners, parents of loved ones with eating disorders--I need you to keep reading. Really.

You may have no idea how they're suffering. Your wife, or mother, or partner or son. It's about shame. And fear. That's why they can't tell you. That's why it's so hard for her to ask for help. I'm not placing blame, but I'm asking you to start to listen like you never have before. Because it's hard for those living with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder to say what needs to be said.

Don't be fooled by his size or his weight. People with eating disorders come in all sizes. And don't be fooled by how well she had been doing. Slips happen. That's normal. But recovery requires acknowledgement that things are amiss, and that support is available. Right there. In person. Not just virtually through this blog, or a virtual support group or a friend across the world.

Yes, they need to know that you are there for them, unconditionally. Even if you really don't understand. Even though you wish they'd just 'get over it'. Struggling with an eating disorder is something they simply did not choose.

She may not discuss it with you, seeming as if all is well. And he may deny that he's restricting or over exercising. Besides. It's so much easier to see what we'd like to see.

So if you suspect that there's something not quite right, please start a discussion. And use open ended questions, ones that can't be dead-ended with a simple yes or no response.

You just might have your blinders on to
what's really going on--right before your eyes.

Do you know how trapped she's feeling?
Like there's no way out of her misery?

Sometimes we're a bit too close to the situation to
see the whole picture.

From the Land of Oz: Hillary's Hyman and Detox Diets

Wouldn't you just love to find a cure for your struggles?

Hyman's suggestion that my diet is the reason for my

MS is beyond insulting.

Let’s give a round of applause ladies and gentleman to Dr. Mark Hyman for finding the answer to all of our weight loss troubles! Dr. Mark Hyman’s Book, The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast, is a New York Times bestseller. His book is a guided weight loss and detox program that claims to be the solution in preventing disease, losing weight and reducing insulin levels in just 10 days. His book provides meal plans, recipes, shopping lists, recommended medications, supplements, and more. Written by an MD, there must be truth to his detox diet claims, right?

About that M.D. credential

A Medical Doctor, meaning “teacher of medicine” is an honorable profession that rightfully holds esteem in society. Often times, when you are diagnosed with a condition, such as Type 2 Diabetes, you see a team of clinicians with varying credentials. Understanding what an MD, RD, NP, RN, PA or PhD are and their scope of practice is important to know and understand when it comes to your treatment plan.

In a nutshell, a doctor (MD), assesses the condition, forms a plan and treats the condition. An MD has extensive education in anatomy, biology, physiology, and chemistry and is an expert on injuries, diseases and drug therapy. That being said, a doctor (as well as an NP, RN and PA) has very little education in nutrition and is far from qualified as an expert in nutrition. Unless a doctor is an RD (Registered Dietitian) or has an advanced degree in nutritional science (think PhD), they should not proclaim themselves nutrition experts. Similarly, an RD, an expert in nutrition and dietetics should not prescribe medicine or formulate a plan for surgery as this is outside their scope of practice.

The Tell Tale Signs

So, how do you know if these self-proclaimed “wholistic” MD’s (as Dr. Hyman calls himself) have gone too far? Well, Dr. Mark Hyman produced a perfect example for us to explore.

There are no shortcuts to getting healthy and fit.

The first sign of quackery is the guaranteed “quick fix” that we all secretly want. We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but anytime a doctor (yes, that includes Dr. Oz), or medical professional for that matter, guarantees over 7 lbs of weight loss in 2 weeks without vigorous physical activity, then you may want to assess whether their techniques are safe and can be maintained for the long-term. For reference, the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, considers healthy weight loss of ½ -2 lbs. per week with a balanced/portioned diet and regular vigorous physical activity. Even this guidance is quite controversial, as the long term data gives little support that that lost weight is maintainable. Dieting leads to deprivation and long term struggles with rebound over eating and weight gain.

In one of the first pages of Dr. Hyman’s book, he catches eager readers by telling a story of Janet, a 48 year old woman who lost 11 pounds in 10 days by eliminating fish, gluten, dairy, sugar, all grains, beans and legumes, all processed foods, all refined vegetable oils, alcohol and caffeine. Is it not obvious? Of course she lost a ton of weight in a short amount of time, virtually every food group was eliminated! But successful weight management needs to address thoughts and behaviors, so that dietary changes can be maintained. Rigid rules will only lead to failure.  Haven’t we all seen this?

You, on a diet.

The second sign of “wait, this book or treatment plan is a crock” is the all mighty powerful “DETOX”.  According to Dr. Hyman, virtually all foods lead to weight gain and illness, so a 10 day detox is warranted to get rid of decades of food toxins and promote weight loss. Makes sense, right? Well, no. The problem with this, is that our body naturally detoxifies itself. The liver, kidneys and colon filter out toxins and bacteria in the body. Therefore, eliminating essential foods and nutrients for a body cleanse/detox does not make sense at all. The last thing we need is to narrow our selection of foods for no good reason!

What happened to 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away?'

Eliminating whole categories of foods from your diet for weight loss is just absurd. It is not realistic to think you can survive a diet that is limited in variety and nutrients without serious consequences—low energy, increased thoughts and preoccupation, nutritional deficiencies, to name a few. It is also not realistic to think that you will continue to have an abundance of weight loss post “detox” as behavior and dietary changes do not magically occur in 10 days. Further, rebound overeating results from deprivation. This, combined with slowed metabolic rate from your body perceiving starvation will only result in weight regain. 

What Is The Magic Pill?

You're really gonna give these up? Until you lose weight? 

Then what?

We challenge you to realize that there is no cookie-cutter way to treat chronic conditions such as obesity, diabetes and inflammatory conditions as Dr. Hyman suggests. Standards of practice and research-proven methods exist to guide people toward health. And there is individual variation in our calorie and nutrient needs and healthy weight ranges. Self-help/”wholistic”/detox “treatment plans” are damaging—they don’t take into consideration these individual needs nor consider the impact on a person’s medical status as a whole. They offer false hope that if you just follow (this most un-followable plan) you will cure your ills and be happy. 

We challenge you to do your research, recognize what the credentials mean and be cautious of the quackery rules of advice. And by you, we include very intelligent readers who might've been pulled into believing this misinformation--like Bill and Hillary Clinton, who endorse Hyman's sensational promises.

Avoid triggering and false messages from shows like Dr. Oz and books like Dr. Hyman’s. And if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

This piece was written primarily by my awesome intern, Lakisha Dubar--with direction and editing by yours truly. Please share your thoughts with us! As always, thanks for reading, and sorry for the long wait--I had to travel to San Francisco for these photos!

The difference between you and me.

“How presumptuous”, you must be thinking, “to group all of your readers into one lump sum, overgeneralizing between us and you.”

Well, unless you are a member of my exclusive club, the one-in-750-in-the-US-living-with-Multiple Sclerosis, then I think you'll agree. As I'm sitting here awaiting the chemotherapy treatment to infuse into my veins, I'm painfully aware that I live with a chronic disease, a potentially debilitating one at that. But for now, I'm fortunately unaffected by this progressive neurological condition. 

Perhaps, like you, I'm on borrowed time. Borrowed time? Yes, because neither of us can predict just when the impact our conditions will hit us the worst. Or when the damage from our situation will lead to a fatal consequence.

A depressing shift in perspective from me? Not really. In fact, my intent is to show you just how fortunate you are. And to demonstrate that change is, in fact, in your hands.

I live with a healthy dose of denial. (Ok, so we really may not be all too different from each other.) That said, my denial allows me not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’. What if my condition progresses? What if a symptom hits me suddenly, like temporary blindness or double vision, my presenting symptom? And what if I become unable to work? Or walk? Or cycle and hike? Or leaves me unable to be present and functional? 

In spite of my denial, which I find quite beneficial, I am not denying my need for treatment. The stats are quite unimpressive—treatments don't cure MS, just like meds don't cure an eating disorder. But they might prevent my situation from progressing. Or they might not. MS is an unpredictable disease. And boy do I dislike uncertainty. But doing nothing ensures that nothing good can happen. 

Hmm, maybe I ought to change the title of this post to read "What you and I have in common"?

But here's where we differ. Besides the fact that you might be living with an eating disorder—bulimia, anorexia, binge eating disorder—or you might feel ruled by your rules (compelling you to deny yourself enough food or the pleasure of food)—the differences between us are vast.

Here's the biggest: You can do something to reverse your eating disorder or your disordered eating. You can use the tools of CBT or DBT or FBT to move you along. You can potentially utilize your resources—your friends, your family, a higher level of care, if needed. No, it won't be easy and it's not a quick fix. But these are strategies that can turn your condition around.

You can decide it's time to move on, to prevent your rules from ruling you, and eat enough to nourish your brain to soften those unhealthy voices. You can remove the triggers which result in purging and learn to move on after a slip from less than perfect eating and disordered behavior.

There's evidence that people recover, fully recover, from bulimia, binge eating disorder and anorexia, and that normal eating is a real possibility. Yes, you can take an active role in reversing your condition and prevent your eating disorder or disordered eating from robbing you of the life you so deserve.

I have no such option. Sure, I can choose to focus on the positives from living with such a condition as MS, but let's be real. Living constantly aware that any part of my brain or nerve pathway can be damaged and stop working is hardly something to see the positives in. 

In fairness, living with MS has had its benefits. It has made me much more sensitive to the fact that many individuals who look just fine—and act fine, even—may be harboring a condition that zaps them of their energy and steals their ability to life a full life. Living with MS reminds me that I can never look at someone and assume that they are just fine, when they may be living with a disability like MS or an eating disorder or disordered thoughts. Or depression. Or OCD…

Like those of you living with an eating disorder, we share a genetic predisposition to have the diseases we have—and we are not to blame! And our conditions might have been triggered by something in the environment. Stressing about it may only worsen our fate—high stress and anxiety—while not the cause of either of our conditions—may be obstacles to recovery and wellbeing. 

Based on statistics, I'd have mentally checked out of treatment, believing that chronic disability was my fate. But it's not. Not for me and not for you. 

You can live with some denial to get you through the days, but you still need to take your medicine—your food, your nourishment. And we need to put one food in front of the other and follow the recommendations of those in the know—our treatment team members—for without that commitment we fulfill a self-fulfilling prophecy that recovery can't happen. A positive outlook, and the belief that we can beat the statistics is essential to moving forward and making the most of what we’ve been dealt.

Personally, I cannot simply eat or take a medication to cure my MS. But you can certainly do just that. You can help your brain function fully, by eating enough, all the while improving your quality of life.

You can shift your thinking and ultimately your actions, and make change happen. I am at the mercy of MS research to be successful and find a cure for Multiple Sclerosis.

Neither of us is at fault for our conditions. But you are at fault if you take a back-seat approach to management of your eating disorder. Passively showing up for appointments fails to support recovery and well-being. Yet acting to change your course makes all the difference.

So as you move through the day, ask yourself if you are changing what's in your hands to change to move toward recovery. And if you answer no, then it's time to make a plan for moving forward. Not on Monday, nor on January first, but today.

I'm feeling disconnected and groggy right now. The Benadryl pretreatment has hit with a bang. I know no hunger, for now, and my thinking is compromised. My heart rate is slower than usual, and I have little control over much of anything—thank goodness for spellcheck. I'd be at risk if I dared to check out of here and attempt to drive my car or to exercise. I am compromised. Right now, you and I are truly quite similar. But my state is transitive. Yours can go either way, depending upon your actions.

Do not have pity for me, for I am fortunate enough to function 100% and I am living my life to the fullest. Have compassion for yourself, and may this post inspire you to get your butt in gear and turn your situation around.

Intuitive Eating is not for you—maybe not just yet, and maybe not ever.

“Have you lost your mind? You, the anti-calorie-counting dietitian, the believer in legalizing all things chocolate and trusting that everything will be okay? Are you suggesting I should start dieting now, or head to the nearest Weight Watchers meeting and start counting points? Or doing the Paleo thing?”

Nothing of the sort! I’m prompted to write this following two experiences I had at the MEDA conference, that wonderful eating disorder conference held in the Boston area this past weekend. And this pertains to those of you with anorexia as well as those struggling with overeating—compulsive or otherwise.

So I was casually walking in the hall after the keynote presentation by Dr. Roberto Olivardia just killing time until the next break when I’d be selling my book. And I overhear two women, representatives from two respectable eating disorder programs chatting up their programs. “We use an intuitive eating approach with our patients”, she stated. “We don’t use meal plans, but instead have them listen to their body…” Ok, anorexic readers and eating disorder professionals, anything strike you as a bit problematic here? Let’s start with a handy, wiki definition:

“Intuitive eating is a nutrition philosophy based on the premise that becoming more attuned to the body's natural hunger signals is a more effective way to attain a healthy weight, rather than keeping track of the amounts of energy and fats in foods. It's a process that is intended to create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body, making it a popular treatment for disordered eating and eating disorders…”

For starters, to learn to be more attuned to your hunger, to begin to trust it, you need to be able to sense it. Most individuals, by the time they make it to see me, no longer really notice their hunger—not if they’re restricting and not if they are frequently binge eating. With the metabolic slowdown characteristic of food restrictors, hunger gets suppressed, and so that handy cue to get you to eat, that signal you’re supposed to be trusting—it’s largely disappeared! And that “healthy relationship with food” which we all aspire to is just not going to happen with all those unhealthy and distorted thoughts about food and eating and your appearance. Further, if you’ve never had a healthy relationship with food—never trusted your hunger because you went from overeating to undereating, it’s mighty challenging to just start trusting yourself. And for good reason, given your past experience with food and self-regulating.

When I shared my opinions (you didn’t expect I’d just casually stroll past, did you?) the program rep agreed, acknowledging that intuitive eating is an approach they address much later in recovery. We both agreed that normalizing eating under someone else’s direction (a dietitian with eating disorder expertise, for instance), needs to happen first, much before an intuitive eating approach. You can’t expect to be an intuitive eater when you can’t discern hunger and fullness, or when the disordered or diet thoughts are so loud that you can’t trust your physical sensations.

But wait, there’s more.

There were two experiences I wanted to share, remember? The second involves the presentation by Dr. Olivardia, mentioned above, who spoke about ADHD and eating disorders. He highlighted that a very high percentage of obese individuals have undiagnosed ADHD, and identified characteristics of this condition that make it oh-so-challenging to just do it, to follow seemingly reasonable nutrition and behavior recommendations.

For instance, impulsivity. Perhaps if you don’t have ADHD it’s challenging, but manageable, to take a break and have an internal discussion about whether or not you really want to be eating the whole package of cookies, to not respond to your impulse to eat. But in those with impulse control, that discussion comes a bit late. If you struggle with this, you may find yourself eating mindlessly before you’ve even gotten to check in with your signals. And if you eat rather fast, as is typical, you’ll take in a lot of extra calories before the signal of fullness has hit.

Then there’s boredom. Are you still with me? Those with ADHD have a much harder time tolerating boredom. If you struggle with sitting with feeling bored, it may be more difficult to simply acknowledge that you’re not hungry and redirect. Eating to manage this boredom might be the action of choice. Not a very intuitive eating supportive choice!

And while we often think those with attention issues as struggling to stay focused, Dr. Olivardia points out that these very individuals also get hyper-focused on the things they are interested in. This can explain the failure to listen to their hunger, perhaps when they are over-focused on other things. By the time they do respond to their physical hunger they may be ravenous, contributing to overeating. Or maybe there’s an OCD component, with a focus on calories and calorie counting, which may stand in the way of responding to physical cues. Again, making intuitive eating quite a challenge.

To be a successful intuitive eater, you need to be mindful of what you are consuming. Not so easy of you have ADHD and your norm is to multitask! My typical recommendations to separate eating from distractions may not be realistic for those living with ADHD, those for whom multitasking is simply the norm.

What now?

For the record, I am a big advocate of intuitive eating and for years have recommended a fabulous book on the subject by RDs Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. Do take a look for more guidance on learning to be an intuitive eater.

Surely it’s not hopeless if you fit the descriptions above. To become a more intuitive eater requires more organization to your eating, including preplanning eating times and even meals. Organizational skills may not come so easy, so use tools like alarm reminders, such as on your phone or computer, and make shopping lists. Arrange eating times with friends or family for greater accountability, too. Utilize simple, easy-to-follow cookbooks, where close-to-immediate gratification occurs (with recipes taking 20 minutes or less, for instance.) Yes, Food to Eat fits the bill! And seek the guidance of an ADHD expert like Olivardia, along with an RD with a behavioral focus.

And please be realistic—and less harsh—if you’re prone to berate yourself for being lazy. There may be good reasons why you’re falling short with your follow-through with intuitive eating.

Thoughts? Comments? I’d love to hear what you’re thinking.