Parenting Without Disorder: It's Not Too Late to Role Model

Stir Crazy Grace  August 5, 2013 at 1:46 AM

"Thank you, thank you, for normalizing (re-normalizing?) normal food and normal eating! As a mom, I am also doing my best to give these attitudes to my family. My challenge, besides the fact that I deal with my own food issues, is an overeating spouse who likes to bring the child along on his path. Would you ever address anything like that? How we, with food issues, deal with being responsible in our families for being the provider of nutrition and shaper, to some degree, of the attitudes there? I always look forward to your posts! Thank you!"

I grew up on Whoopie Pies but I prefer a
good scone these days.

Thank you, SC Grace, for asking and prompting this post. It is not too late to change your eating, nor to model a healthy relationship with food, even if you've struggled during your own childhood. So I'll share a bit about my own experience as a child, a young adult, and as a mom.

I grew up on Lucky Charms and Capt’n Crunch for breakfast. Mayonnaise sandwiches on Wonder white bread was my frequent snack of choice which I'd help myself to; I’d pull a chair up to the refrigerator to reach the shiny metal bread box at the top, clad in my Pjs, while my mom slept early am—I was preschool age then. I don't think I was sneaking—although I don't know what she'd have said if she found me climbing above the fridge and eating.

I ate everything, including cooked-to-death canned vegetables—I loved the rubbery mushrooms and the flaccid asparagus spear pieces the best—and fried liver and onions. Really.  Casseroles made with those goopy canned soups—high in fat, saturated fat, and sodium, and low in fiber—these were the norms. And I guess even then I paid attention to how I experienced food.  I was free to eat cookies—and ice cream and cakes—but only after I finished my meal. Somehow that was never a problem for me. I do recall many a comment about what an appetite I had. Yes, compared to sedentary adults who were not growing, my needs, like those of all growing children, were great.

I never encouraged grapefruit--it was just always one of his favorites.
Go figure.

Then my mom went through her dieting jags. I turned to grapefruit and dry toast with black coffee and salads for lunch—just vinegar, please. Fish, cooked dry—and it tasted it—with merely a sprinkle of all-the same-on-everything seasoning. Oh, and plenty of cottage cheese—low fat of course. No fresh garlic, just powdered. No herbs. No tasty olive oil. Minimal pleasure, I’ll add.

Yup, it's me in my college years. (As promised, Cate!)

And when I was college age and gained more than the freshman fifteen, I was told that I could use to lose about 20 pounds. There was no exploration of the why, no guidance on the how. My mom did instruct me to hold my stomach in, however. I restricted my eating at times, and binged at others. I became rigid about how things were prepared (heaven forbid there was something added that I didn't know about) and I even had a short-lived period as a vegetarian.

Fast forward

Over the years, my own eating normalized. Yes, I realize that's a rather passive statement. I can't quite say how it happened, though, as I never sought help—I never had something one would have known how to label back then. By today's DSM, I'd be labeled a restrictive binge eater.

And then, of course, I became an RD, and after some years, had a family.

Some things will come intuitively--if you let them be.

In spite of my profession, my sons were the least educated of all their classmates in areas of food and nutrition. They didn't know a carb from a fat, and were never taught that they had to finish their 'healthy' food before eating dessert. Ice cream was an acceptable snack—when it was eaten in the kitchen, at the table, no TV in sight. French toast, pancakes and waffles with real maple syrup the norm in our home. They did know that Frosted Flakes was more candy then cereal—and they were tuned in to be critical viewers of the media. It never struck me as problematic when my son had a fuller build, appropriate before his adolescent growth spurt.

In their later years of high school and into college the discussions began. They wanted to know if what they were hearing was true—like whey protein for muscle development? And what’s the story about eating late at night? And are refined carbs as bad as they say?

But really, they already knew the answers. They knew from seeing how we ate that a varied diet was appropriate. And they heard that food was something to be consumed both for fuel and for pleasure. They learned that food was neither to be used as a treat, a reward for good behavior, nor to be withheld as a punishment for bad behavior nor for eating too much. And they had learned to trust their bodies.

And now?

I just spent 4 days on a mini vacation with my husband and my 2 20+year old sons, and what I heard and saw only reaffirms this parenting approach.

I learned that my elder son mixes his cereals at work, where he eats breakfast daily on workdays.  Approximately one third is Frosted Flakes, 2/3 regular Cheerios. Or, there's Kashi Heart to Heart—with a bit of Lucky Charms thrown in—for sugar, or maybe even nostalgia, I suspect. And at our local dairy where the ice cream is oh-so-rich and the portions are crazy large, my almost 6'2” boys order a ‘kiddie’—a single scoop—because it’s just as much as they need.

My adult kids enjoy fine food out—and their share of cheap, quick food—but in moderation. Son #2 would choose fresh blueberries or a fruit laden dessert over chocolate any day. And they’re both as excited about the farm-fresh tomatoes we’ve recently gotten as I am. Meals are eaten at the table—eating in the bedroom or the family room is just not happening—at least when they're home; I can’t speak for what happens in their own space.

They might be momentarily engaged with some texting, but for the most part, meals are mindfully consumed. They talk about the flavors—their preference for one vinegar or oil over another—and they choose foods they enjoy. They are foodies—with all that connotes—but mostly it speaks to their appreciation for how food tastes. Both my sons enjoy eating—and cooking.

As for spouses: I could never have raised my kids as I did if my husband countered my messages with talk of 'good foods' vs 'bad foods'. Or if he told them that they couldn't have seconds. Or if he continually prompted them to eat—even if they weren't hungry.

Most important, talk to your partner so you can be consistent in the message you put out there. And when your spouse isn’t on board, address the issue away from the ears of your children. Arguing around food is the last thing you want to be doing. Food and eating shouldn’t be stressful.

Educate your partner—do they get it? Maybe they have no reason to get it, given little personal experience with a food struggle. Or maybe they are so stuck in their patterns that they aren’t too self aware. Perhaps you can make the connections for them. They just might need some direction.

Remember it's not too late to modify your approach—just be consistent with your message. Focus on health and self care, on listening to and respecting one's body, versus targeting a change in weight.

Hope that helps.

Comments are both welcome and encouraged! Thanks for reading.

Healthier Kids With Frosted Flakes. Balancing Sugar And BMI.

Tony the Tiger of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes fame

Ban Aunt Jemima? That’s just fine. Her image is not politically correct (and I’ve always preferred homemade pancakes and real maple syrup anyway). Joe Camel, as cigarette promoter, I am glad became extinct. But must we bury Betty Crocker before her time, just because her baked goods are high sugar? And Tony the Tiger, who I grew up believing was GREAAAAT, in spite of the sugar coating on his Frosted Flakes? And Toucan Sam of Fruit Loop fame? Must we part with them all, desperate to halt the obesity epidemic, to take control of our kids’ climbing BMIs?

I’m reacting to the recent NY Times article on the government’s plan for voluntary principles for food manufacturers, regarding advertising products to children. (http://nyti.ms/lxO60F) Make foods healthier or stop advertising them to kids, is the message. “The guidelines call for foods that are advertised to children to meet two basic requirements. They would have to include certain healthful ingredients, like whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, or low-fat milk. And they could not contain unhealthful amounts of sugar, saturated fat, trans fat and salt.”

Is a sugar limit really the best way to control our kids' obesity?

Scott Faber, representing food makers, said that “…ads for packaged foods on television shows aimed at children 2 to 11 had dropped significantly since 2004, and that the ads more often showed healthier types of foods.” Yet based on CDC data, obesity rates among kids nearly tripled since 1980, and continues to climb http://1.usa.gov/kmdWbN .

Hmmm, something just doesn’t add up. Maybe it’s not the ads that are the problem, but the number of hours sitting around watching TV and playing video games that’s an issue!

Guess how much sugar is in 1 Tbsp?

But what if we did limit these useless foods being fed to our kids? Seems harmless enough. I mean, what harm is there in not having these items around, of omitting them from our kids’ diets?

Not so fast. Before we ban all things deemed unhealthy and we start setting criteria for labeling foods as healthy enough to be advertised to kids, consider the consequences. Here’s what I fear will happen: 

Inadvertently, we will stigmatize foods as good versus bad. And the last thing we need is more black and white rules. They make no sense, and they certainly don’t resolve the issues for a culture struggling with making peace with food and an inability to manage weight.

1 gram more sugar than in a serving of Frosted Flakes, and figs are
first ingredient. Should we restrict exposure to kids?
Let's think twice before we set absurd guidelines!

Take Jane, an adolescent who came to see me 2 weeks ago for weight management. Referred by her pediatrician, accompanied by her mother, I learned some interesting things in our one-hour session. This articulate 15 year old described the “perfect” home environment. Mom cooks nightly, providing the healthiest of meals. Full of vegetables and whole grains, containing lean protein, her dinners were nothing short of wholesome. Second portions were never an issue, as Jane didn’t care much for the foods that were served. But she made the most of it.

When asked if she liked baked goods and ice cream Jane replied shyly that she did—but that she never had them at home. These were banned as unhealthy. The result is that Jane eats more than her share of these items whenever she has the opportunity—when she is out with friends, or at a party— regardless of how hungry she is. It is “now or never” thinking.

It’s like the Halloween candy phenomena (http://bit.ly/bjTtFT). Restricting these items fails to achieve the intended goal and as I’ve seen, makes for an unhealthy relationship with food.

Now I’m a parent, too. And while my kids are way past the age where I can control their food choices, I do recall that time. So what did I do when confronted with their request to eat what their peers were eating (and what was being advertised to them on TV and at eye level at the supermarket)? How did I balance my need to provide a healthy diet, while minimizing conflict around food? And, maintain a healthy relationship with eating?

The only one allowed to snack in the living room.

I didn’t restrict their ad exposure, although I limited TV time so that they would use their bodies to be active and their minds to create through reading and play. There were no TVs in their bedrooms, and all meals and snacks were eaten at the kitchen or dining room table. The only one in our home who could eat his snack in his den was my dog, Mica, who would grab his biscuit and eat it in his bed. No such luck for the kids, though.

But when they did view television ads, I’d make a point of educating them to be critical thinkers. I would share with them that high sugar cereal may be called a healthy breakfast, but it’s like eating candy for breakfast. We’d discuss how perhaps that cereal would make a good sweet snack to have with a glass of milk, instead of eating cookies, if they preferred. Or I would point out how they were being tricked by the ad’s information, teaching them to be more critical viewers of the media and to not be manipulated by savvy messages and messengers.

 

When they were young, I’d offer the high sugar cereal as a mix in with a healthier, lower sugar cereal choice. For instance, Frosted Flakes mixed in with corn flakes, or a small serving of Fruit Loops mixed in with Cheerios. This achieved many goals. It minimized conflict and prevented categorizing foods as acceptable and forbidden. And, it kept their intake rather healthy, despite inclusion of small amounts of sweetened items. And now as adults, I see them choosing lower sugar, healthier selections. And stopping when they’ve had enough to eat, even of such favorites as white flour, fiber-less bagels.

1/4 c. has more than twice the sugar than 3/4 c of
Frosted Flakes. Should we ban them? 

What about the idea of allowing food manufacturers to target kids if their product were healthier? Specifically, if it had 8 grams or less of sugar, or contained a certain level of whole grains or capped the sodium content? Good intentions, but here’s what I fear. If it were limited to 8 grams of sugar as proposed, that eliminates much added fruit (including raisins) in the cereal. Yes, fruit is naturally high in sugar (24 grams in ¼ cup of raisins), and there’s nothing wrong with including it generously in your diet! And I can imagine that foods will be filled with diet sweeteners, as a means to lower the evil sugar content. I suspect most parents may not want to be pumping their kids with diet products throughout the day.

Chocolate chip cookies would hardly fit, based on the planned guidelines. But should they be eliminated from our diet? If you’ve read enough of the posts on this blog you certainly know where I stand on this.

Yes, this is from the raisin container. 100% natural raisins.

Kids, like adults, need to learn balance. They need to appreciate it as they get older and become independent. They need to learn that while a food itself may not be nutritionally rich, it’s important to have enjoyment from what we eat, regardless of where you are on the BMI chart! A food may not be so balanced by itself (for instance, it may be relatively high in sodium), but as part of a meal it may fit just fine. Perhaps what can change is that kids (and their parents) will consider their portion of pizza, but won’t eliminate it because of its high salt and low fiber content. Rather, they’ll include a glass of low fat milk at the meal and serve some veggies with it.

I write this post as both a mother, and as an RD—one who sees obese kids, and eating disordered children and adults. Let’s be careful to not replace one health epidemic, obesity, with disordered eating.

What was your experience as a child? And how do you approach this issue with your kids? Comments welcome!

Guaranteed-To-Please Granola.

To accompany my favorite yogurts!


I did it! I finally made my own granola. And it was so good, and so easy, that I want to share it with you. (If you lived locally I’d really share it, as the recipe made enough for a small army.) I can’t wait for my kids to come home for winter break to help me eat it.  Meanwhile, I’ll store it in airtight containers and even freeze a bunch.

Making granola was also the perfect opportunity to tell you about my favorite yogurts. 

First, the granola. Yes, it's calorie-dense, but so satisfying, so 1/3 cup feels like a treat. And it's high in fiber (over 5 grams), high in healthy fats and protein (almost 5 grams), and not too sweet--at least to me. So give it a try. It takes about 20 minutes to prep (if you are not simultaneously trying to photograph it), and 20 minutes to bake.

Guaranteed-To-Please Granola

(Modified from Meghan’s Granola at allrecipes.com and the pages of useful comments which followed.)

Ingredients (to make about 15 cups)

8 cups rolled oats (Old fashioned oats)

1 ½ cups ground flax seed (aka flax meal)

1 cup shredded coconut, unsweetened (optional)

½ cup sesame seeds

1 cup sliced almonds

1 cup finely chopped pecans

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 ½ tsps. salt

½ cup brown sugar

¼ cup maple syrup

¾ cup honey

1 cup vegetable or canola oil

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 Tbsp. vanilla extract

2 cups (or more if preferred) dried fruit, including raisins, craisins, chopped apricots

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. (Thought I’d add the Fahrenheit detail for those of you overseas).

Line 2 baking sheets (preferably ones with sides, but if you are really careful you could do it on a cookie sheet as well) with parchment paper or foil.

Combine oats through walnuts in a large bowl.

In a medium saucepan, stir together salt, brown sugar, maple syrup, honey, oil, cinnamon and vanilla. Bring to a boil over medium heat.

Pour liquid over the oat mixture and mix to coat thoroughly.

Spread evenly on the baking sheets.

Bake 10 mins. Then stir. Then bake another 12 minutes.

Remove from oven and let cool. As it does, it will become crunchy and form clusters. Remove yourself from the granola so you don't pick at it while it's cooling (I'm only guiding you from my own experience.)

When thoroughly cooled, add the dried fruit to granola.

Store in airtight container.

(For those of you on meal plans, 1/3 cup would count as 2 grains and 2 fats. Some reviewers had success substituting ½ cup of applesauce for ½ of the oil. If you do, count it as 1 fat vs. 2. Personally I went the full fat route and I think it’s worth it).

And now, about my favorite yogurts…

Three yogurts, three different styles. None are artificially sweetened, and all are low or non-fat. Not all will appeal to all tastes, but I’ll do my best to accurately describe them below.

Wallaby: Australian style. Okay, it’s made in California, but was apparently inspired by a trip to Australia. (See their website for more fun info.) What I like? Tangy flavor, which reminds me of yogurts of days past. And the most delectable flavors, including my favorites, Bartlett pear (tell me you’ve ever seen Bartlett pear before!) and dulce de leche, a low fat variety which feels like a decadent dessert. If I could afford it, I’d eat it every day.

Available in Whole Foods, but few other stores that I’ve found.

Chobani: a Greek yogurt, made in New York. Go figure. But its very thick and creamy texture with just-the-right-amount-of-sweetness appears to please everyone I recommend it to. And it’s fat free, for those who are concerned about saturated fat.

Get it by the case at Costco or BJs where it’s much cheaper than the supermarket.

Stonyfield Farm: They don’t claim to be from anywhere other than New Hampshire. They have all varieties (fat free, low fat and whole milk). They tend to have less added sugar than many other brands and are still quite tasty.

All three have active culture, the probiotics or healthy bacteria that help keep things moving and help with intestinal distress. (Although the companies are not forthcoming about the amount of these active cultures that are added).

So try a cup of yogurt topped with some fruit of your choice (berries, pears and banana work well). Add 1/3 cup of this yummy granola, and ENJOY. Makes a perfect, quick breakfast!

Food Finds: Cereals, Hot and Cold

I'm overwhelmed. As I move down the cereal aisle, hovering around the oatmeals I feel paralyzed. Where do I begin to decode the hidden information on these packages?  How can I guide you to navigate  the absurd abundance of food choices, in this single section of the cereal aisle, as well as in the many sections throughout the market?  There's the lower sugar, the high fiber, the weight control--the choices are endless. And if you read my NuVal blog entry you know I am not a believer in the "oversimplify" method, providing a single score or value to a product.

So here are the facts. If you are lured to oatmeal for its fiber content, motivated to help with constipation, forget it. Wrong type of fiber to help move things along. For that, try All-Bran Bran Buds, high in insoluble fiber, from wheat bran. It contains an unusually high amount per serving, and it tastes good. Only 1/3 cup and you get 13 grams of total fiber, 10 grams insoluble. The other 3 grams come from psyllium and oats, sources of soluble fiber. This is the type that helps lower cholesterol (if you are able to take in 7-13 grams of it per day) and helps slow the rise in blood sugar (really only an issue for those with diabetes, not for the rest of you). No need for a whole bowl of Bran Buds, either. Try mixing cereals or add some Bran Buds as a crunchy topping to yogurt.

Ok, back to the oatmeal. If you have time on your hands, about 30 minutes, my favorite is steel cut oats. For Americans, this cereal will look quite different than the Quaker you are used to. Think whole grain rice or barley cut with a sharp knife, then cooked. It has a chewy texture and is quite satisfying. A quick version could be prepared as follows:

Soak the oats overnight. Before going to bed, boil four cups of water in a pot, add one cup of oatmeal. Simmer 1 minute. Cover pot and store overnight in refrigerator. The next morning cook the oatmeal on low heat for 9 – 12 minutes, stirring occasionally.

But beware of the serving sizes! On McCann's Irish oats, the steel cut type, 1/4 cup dry makes the equivalent of one serving, as compared to most cereal labels. For Quaker oats, AKA rolled oats, the package can be misleading regarding serving size. The heart symbol portion may seem like a wise choice, but for most of us, this portion would be excessively filling. Both varieties are healthy and tasty options, with zero sodium. Add a bit of brown sugar (or not, if you are diabetic and closely counting the carbs) and cinnamon for additional flavor. Dried fruit added during cooking is also a nice treat (dried cherries are my personal favorite). For either type of oats, you can cook multiple portions in advance and refrigerate, then microwave reheat. Or, you can have the convenience of microwaving the rolled oats. Just be sure to place in an extra large bowl and cover with plastic or a volcano will erupt in the microwave! Really! And if you must do the packages, you can mix and match, one plain and one flavored pack. With the exception of young kids, I don't know anyone who only needs one package.



Another hot cereal that ranks is Bob's Red Mill varieties--the 5, 7, and 10 grain versions (I think I've got that right). Grainier texture, it's a very satisfying hot cereal which, like most things, tastes even better with a bit of sweetener (and in this case, a splash of milk).


Given the cool temperatures these mornings, I should stop here. But cold cereals do give us a lot of options and are so convenient. So here are a few word about my favorites:


-Kashi Heart to Heart. Cheerios-like, but tastes sweeter, without them adding more sugar. Hmmm. I suspect they manage it by reducing the sodium, which is at a lower level than Cheerios. And you must try the warm cinnamon variety! Yum.


-Kashi Cinnamon Harvest. Think Shredded Wheat with flavor, but less sugar than frosted varieties. Quite good!

-Barbara's Shredded Spoonfuls. Bad name, I must admit, because it makes us think shredded wheat, which will turn lots of you away. But trust me--it's delicious and nothing like Shredded Wheat.
These three choices are modest in fiber (about 4-6 grams) and overall tasty, yet healthy options.


-Barbara's Puffins. A particularly good choice for kids, and several versions are gluten free.


-Nature's Path Flax Plus Flakes. More fiber (the constipation-curing type) in a simple flake. And stands up to milk better than regular bran flakes.


So start with these. And tell me what you think. Are there others that are your favorites that might be worth mentioning? There are plenty of others I didn't mention, but could have, if I had the time and the space on this page.



As a final note, I must confess. I was raised on Captain Crunch and Fruit Loops, and Tony the Tiger I thought was GRREAT! 
Enjoy!