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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

You’re Not So Special. Rethinking Your Double Standard.


Ouch, that’s harsh! Let me explain…

Honey and milk-filled chai and a snack--just what I needed!
You tell me that you skipped your breakfast—because you just couldn’t eat in the morning, or there was simply no time—but you would never allow your kids do this.

You acknowledge that a salad—just a salad—for lunch—is not much of a meal. Yet you believe that’s all you really need. Besides, it fills you up. Doesn’t that mean it’s enough for lunch?

You attribute your low energy, your fatigue, to everything from your fibromyalgia to your poor sleep, your MS to your high stress, yet you’ve only eaten a fraction of what you need to, in a 10-hour period.

You believe that once you start eating you won’t be able to take control—that restricting is the only way to manage your weight—yet you struggle with rebound binge eating and resulting weight gain. And you think it’s just you.

You mindlessly eat, and then over exercise, then get frustrated. “Why am I the only one who has no willpower?” you wonder.  What’s wrong with my body?

Pure sugar slush--I love it for some quick energy. Even
when I'm not active!
You believe a yogurt is a meal, perhaps because you eat it with a spoon. So here’s a test—is an 8-ounce glass of low fat milk a meal? Because that’s a fair equivalent. And I’ll bet you’d never think of that as an adequate meal—at least for someone else.

You believe that others have needs—physical and emotional, but yours aren’t that important. Friends, family members—they need to eat meals, adequate balanced meals for health—yet for you, the rules don’t apply.

Yesterday I saw a television ad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSQVT3IwMas that helped me understand how you’ve come to such distortions, why you might think these thoughts. Crystal Light Energy—just 5 calories, “because you never know”, is what they say.  

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? 5 calories? Energy? In the very same sentence? Let me remind you (and Crystal Light makers) that calories=energy. “Girl power to go”, as they claim, certainly isn’t coming from the FIVE calories per serving, that’s for sure. It does have 60 mgs. caffeine (about a cup of mildly brewed tea), which also isn’t going to give you any great energy boost. But they want you to think that a 5 calorie difference (from their 0 calorie version) is a lot—that it’s going to make a difference in your energy.

Not Crystal Light! Powered with food, this beverage came after.
But they’re wrong. “Girl power” comes not from a 5-calorie beverage. It comes from rejecting these absurd and misleading suggestions, convincing you that such restricted calorie intake should sustain you. “Girl power” comes from tossing the diet beverages, and fueling yourself with beverages with nutrients (milk or soy milk, or smoothies, to name a few) or with food. And it comes from believing you deserve to eat, to eat enough, and truly fuel your body.

Because really, you’re not special. We all need and deserve to eat—regardless of our size.

26 comments:

  1. In an attempt to delete some spam messages, I inadvertently deleted all the messages. So if you have commented and you have the comment saved, PLEASE reenter, Otherwise, I will cut and paste from my email receipt.
    So sorry! And these were the BEST comments, too!

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  2. withoutexit(?) has left a new comment on your post "You’re Not So Special. Rethinking Your Double Stan...":

    i've never left a comment before, but this time the post stuck me so much that i couldn't just leave without saying a word. it seemed like you knew me and were talking directly to me while writing this.
    it made me cry, really.

    i'm so discouraged.

    thanks for your posts, though. they're always so true.

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    1. First, thanks for commenting! And I'm so glad to see the "?" after your screen name.
      Please use your supports--both professional and personal, by "commenting" to those who can really help.If you need direction finding resources, let me know and I'll direct you.

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  3. Right on. I think most weight problems stem from emotional issues at their core. Now for the challenge of helping people overcome them!

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    1. Emotions clearly play a major role in our food intake. That said, there are overweight individuals who are healthy and have always been a larger size, who don't have emotional issues--except, perhaps as a result of society's telling them they need to change what their body wants to defend.

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  4. I agree that the diet crap is crap. I agree that a cup of yoghurt is not a meal. I agree that girl power is not in diet stuff.

    But, erm, well, that doesn't mean I'm getting a lunch today.

    Well, I'm eating regularly this week, there are many Easter leftovers that need eating up but I'm gardening, cycling and otherwise trying to rebuild whatever is there into nice lean meat.

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    1. Do remember that this site is pro-recovery!You may be looking in the wrong place if you expect support for your ways!

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    2. Oops.

      It's self-bashing and sarcasm, apparently forming an incomprehensible mix. Meaning, I know that I have these double standards, I know I shouldn't, I know what the right things are but sometimes I'm unable to do the right things. There's still too much crap going on in my head.

      I however need to defend my stance about Easter leftovers. Local cakes provide enough calories to heat up a smaller town and they're too good to throw away. I'm afraid that I'm already obese and I don't wish to stay so for the rest of my life. (I hope there's nothing particularly wrong with that.)

      I suffer from really really bad winter depression and even now, six weeks later, I get randomly overjoyed that I'm doing things, I'm not overcome with fatigue after five minutes, and that the things make me happy even though they don't include binging on nougat. My last blood tests came back with borderline elevated cholesterol and blood sugar and well, I'm obese. Mildly so but still. I should have elaborated on my thoughts, I agree, but I hope that I made my point clearer, even if late.

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  5. Here's an example of this: I already had breakfast. Normally, my breakfast of a PBJ sandwich and a banana fills me up and gives me sufficient energy for my morning. Today, I still feel hungry even after that. Maybe my increase in exercise (not disordered) is catching up with me? Maybe I'm about to get my period? It really doesn't matter; what I do know is this: I know how to listen to my body; I trust my body; and for whatever reason, it needed more food this morning. If someone told me they were still hungry but they were avoiding eating, just going to "wait it out" until the next meal, I would, with all confidence tell them to get a little more to eat - not responding to hunger is not healthy, not good weight management, and not necessary! So, I got some more to eat this morning. I got a little bowl of yogurt (not non-fat) topped with strawberries. That did the trick. Now I'll have a much nicer morning where I won't have to be thinking about food or when I'm going to eat next. I'm satisfied and I can energetically step into my day.

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    1. I couldn't have done it/said it better myself! Hope your words will inspire the many readers who still struggle. Thanks for commenting.

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  6. This is my favorite post so far and couldn't come at a more perfect time. I easily find myself giving advice to others and saying that "I am different'. And well I know that I am not. Thank you for this reminder. I used to believe that my eating disorder made me special, but it just made me sick.

    I hope you don't mind but I shared this on
    facebook. I wanted to give a lot of my friends and family a chance to read it as well. :)

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    1. I encourage you, and others, to share these posts with anyone who'd benefit--supports, others struggling with eating disorders, and anyone who enjoys a good read ; )
      Hearing from readers like you about the benefit of these posts is what keeps me writing--I don't advertise on this blog and don't get paid to write them, so knowing that I have touched even one person makes my day. thanks for your comment!

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  7. This was the perfect post at the perfect time for me, as well. The following statement hit me like a ton of bricks:

    "You believe that once you start eating you won’t be able to take control—that restricting is the only way to manage your weight..."

    This is exactly how I feel--how I think. I don't trust myself. It seems like I can never have just a little of what I really want, and so it's safer to have none.

    Thank you for writing this blog. It has been a quiet voice of sanity in my life, and gives me strength to take control.

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    Replies
    1. To truly gain control of your eating you must give yourself permission to eat, and eat enough, and eat what you enjoy--without feeling it's now or never. Reread the many past posts on this subject for additional support. Really, there is another way!
      So glad you find this helpful!

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  8. This post is great. Exactly what I needed to read today. Was actively in recovery and the past week have slipped back into restricting. Trying to work my way out of it. It is just so hard but this was a good reminder on a night when I needed one. Thanks for all your great posts.

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  9. My eating disorder says many of the statements in your post....but of course, as you said, these rules only apply to me. The double standard is clear, I can be insistent on how/when/how much others should eat, not me, I am the exception (?). I even encourage others to have dessert! Maybe I am just really happy for them that they can enjoy.
    I can justify all of my actions in my mind, but when I see them written in black and white on your blog I see the distortions. As another commented above, I also have felt that my eating disorder makes me 'special' or different and that is hard to let go of. It makes me so sad to think that I believe that I don't deserve to eat, to feel satisfied and to be healthy. I have to guess that is the bigger issue – rather than weight. But peeling back the layers of what I could possibly be guilty of to deserve such punishment feels so daunting. I believe you that there is another way...I just have to find it! Thank you for all you do.

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  10. Beautiful. Thanks for this honest post. We need to know we're WORTH it. Always.

    xx

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  11. Great post! Most people eat to live but I live to eat. I love food so much so I always compensate by pushing a little harder at the gym.

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  12. I really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you.

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  13. I read this post a few days ago and didn't feel like I had anything to say, I still don't really, but I did see that Crystal Light commercial you mentioned and it made me think.

    Whenever I am around my parents and I eat a yogurt for lunch or something, my father will say "That's not a meal." To me it's a meal. If it fills me up how is it not a meal? How come he's allowed to eat cheese and crackers for lunch but I'm not allowed to eat a yogurt. His response to that was "Because I don't need to gain weight." For the record, I love my dad to death! :)

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    1. Gotta admit--I agree with Dad!
      Consider this--Dad may only eat crackers and cheese for lunch--but he'll allow himself dessert or a snack later--if he gets hungry. And if he overeats when he's out? He likely doesn't restrict the next morning. That is, if Dad isn't eating disordered!

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  14. Nope, my dad is definitely not eating disordered. He eats what he wants, when he wants it. He doesn't always eat cheese and crackers for lunch, he just happened to be eating them that day because he wasn't that hungry. How come it's okay for him to not eat a lot when he's "not that hungry" but for me it's never okay? I eat when I'm hungry.

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  15. Thank you. I needed to read this!

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  16. I finally read this phenomenal post Lorie...pure brilliance and spot on with regards to seeing ourselves, when restricting as being "non-deserving" or somehow "apart" not in need of nourishment, when..of course we are..This post comes at a time when I was in utter need of your wise words..I literally could think of nothing else BUT food..and have spent the past week on food blogs for up to 4 hours per day...bookmarking what I plan to prepare FOR OTHERS..and that, perhaps "one day" I will let myself have a bit of...That "one day" needs to be now. I truly feel that the food we deny ourselves of now will be DEMANDED later on (read..extreme danger of a future "overdose" on food) Thank you for your always appreciated insight. (Your readers' comments are particularly inspiring!)

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  17. I really appreciated this post. As a mom of a young toddler and now expecting my second (son), this does affect me. I would never feed them the way I feed myself or treat them the way I treat my body. I can convince myself that I do not need to eat but insist that my daughter has to eat, find new creative things for her, and always have a snack with me for her when we are out. I am a walking double standard.

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