How Does My Brain Look? Personal, Random Thoughts About Beauty.

Ashley, @ Nourishing the Soul wrote a beautiful piece this week, entitled Why I Get Tired of “You Are Beautiful”www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2011/07/why-i-get-tired-of-you-are-beautiful. 

Mica seems well aware of his many attributes beyond physical beauty.

I read it, then started to type in my comments, only to realize that I had way too much to say to limit to a comment box. Ah, the beauty of having your own blog!

Being frequently told you’re beautiful, or even pretty, is a set up. It’s easy to become dependent on other people’s opinions of you—of your physical appearance, as well as your other attributes. And then if they don’t happen to comment, you are left questioning “Do I look okay?”

If your greatest merit is being attractive, or thin, what will happen if these change? What else will you have to feel good about? Aging will certainly be something to fear, and normal body changes occurring with each decade will be impossible to accept.

If you and others focus solely on your attractiveness, it may leave you questioning what other aspects make up who you are. Are you smart? Witty? Affectionate? Loyal? A good parent or friend? A good writer or cook?

When I was about to graduate from college, I decided it was time to be taken seriously. My full head of attention-getting curly hair needed to go. I wanted to be seen for who I was and what I was capable of, not judged by my exterior. I graduated with the shortest haircut ever. And no, it was not even the style back then. Was it necessary? Maybe not. But at that time it reassured me that people were looking past their first look at my appearance and seeing what else I had to offer.

Summer of 1983, before the haircut.

For a significant part of my early college years I suffered from a common condition known as imposter syndrome. I believed that they couldn’t have really meant to accept me to this top university. My acceptance must have been based on my looks, I assumed. I needed to prove otherwise, that I had perhaps unseen strengths, as I went through college and then ventured into my next stage of life. Perhaps it sounds contradictory, but I needed to modify my appearance in order to get past relying on it.

Consider this.

Must you wait to be at that certain size or have that perfect appearance to like yourself and appreciate yourself? What do you like about yourself—physically and on all other levels? And if your mind's a blank for ideas, ask those who choose to spend time with you. What do they really appreciate about you and find beautiful?

If you don’t like yourself, why would you even bother to take care of yourself—to treat yourself with appropriate nourishment, to respect your hunger and your fullness, to listen to your body’s limits, like when it says you are too tired to exercise (or feel better after a moderate workout)?

And consider what messages you convey to others. Do you greet them with a physical assessment, such as  “Did you lose weight?” or “You look great”. Would you want to have the pressure of such comments on you? And would you even hear them the way they were intended, or project your own thoughts into them? Can’t we greet friends and loved ones with “How are you?” or “I’m concerned about you”, or “You seem so full of life”?

Perhaps if I were into high maintenance I’d grow my hair out again; I’m past the point of fearing that I am just about my exterior. But who has the time and the patience? And besides, the haircut’s already scheduled. Now if only I could accept the spreading silver-grey.

Thoughts? Might I remind you I always appreciate hearing your feedback on these posts, so please comment!